SHOWPIG STUDIO

These words are aimed at 2 audiences. They’re written to folks my age, but they’re also meant for advertising creatives everywhere, because trust me, this will be you.

First, some myths.

MYTH #1: THERE’S NO AGE LIMIT ON GOOD IDEAS

Not true. You had your chance. You probably did good work. But unless you’re one of a really tiny handful of remarkable exceptions, like say, Lee Clow, you’re done. I don’t even know if Lee’s got it any more, but with him it doesn’t matter.
How long has it been since Norman Mailer wrote another “The Naked And The Dead”? Or Mick and Keith did another “Sympathy For The Devil”? Did Joseph Heller ever write another “Catch 22”? Did Einstein ever figure out gravity? Will you ever win another Clio? Not likely. Do any of the above references mean anything to a 22-year-old art director? That’s not likely either.

MYTH #2: I DON’T FEEL NEARLY AS OLD AS MY AGE

Good for you. But you’re wrong. If you could, for one day, actually FEEL like that 22-year-old art director, you’d see how wrong you are.

MYTH #3: BEING AROUND YOUNG PEOPLE HELPS KEEP ME YOUNG

Oh, you snowboard and mountain bike and subscribe to “Wired’? Cool. Those 22-year-old art directors at the agency think you’re cool because of it? That automatically means you’re old, and well on your way to irrelevance. So get on out there, hit the slopes and the trails and try not to hurt yourself too badly. Because 2 wasted weeks in the hospital will put you hopelessly over a different kind of hill.

MYTH #4: I STILL DATE WOMEN (OR MEN) 20 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME

Do I really have to say anything here? Pitiful.

MYTH #5: WITH MY TALENT AND EXPERIENCE, I WILL ALWAYS BE ABLE TO FIND WORK

Equally pitiful.

I am going to be hosting a retreat for aging, over-the-hill creatives at my house in the Virginia mountains. It will be similar to those silent Zen meditations you hear about, except we will all talk, about the good times.

Mornings will be spent talking about fun travel experiences. You will be able to tell everyone about that time in New York when you were on a shoot, and stole the tablecloth at that really expensive, must-go-to restaurant, and did coke on the way back to the hotel in the limo. And everyone will listen, unlike when you tell that story to the kids at your agency.

After a high-fiber lunch, there will be quiet time for naps.

Afternoons from 2:30 - 2:45 we will share our current breakthrough concepts and brainstorm production ideas, after which we'll split up for breakout sessions where we can hit on one another, like in the old days on the road. The facility will have an emergency condom available should anyone actually (a) get lucky and (b) still be able to get it up.

Evenings will be "show our work" time, when we can talk about how edgy the stuff was back when it was produced.

Right now there are no spaces available, but email me to get on the waiting list, because people die every day.